Alucard the Unicorn
by KuroDark
Summary: Charlie the unicorn is lonely and wants a friend. A genie grants his wish and Alucard ends up being the unlikely canadite. He has to be changed into a unicorn and is thrown into Unicorn Land. All he wants is to get out. Will he be able to? Popular demand.
1. Prologue

A/N: This was written because of popular demand. Sorry this chapter is so short; it's more of a prologue anyway.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing (sadly).

Prologue:

Charlie the Unicorn had a rather peaceful life. Once his frikin' kidney had been stolen, life went back to how it had been, calm and sleepy. He remembered how life had been when he lived in New York as a human. It was always noisy, busy, and hot. There was never a quiet, nice moment during which to relax. That all changed, though, when Charlie ran into that crazy scientist. With his many experiments he had managed to change Charlie into a unicorn and then shipped him off to Unicorn Land. Now he never had to work, he could play, sleep, dance, and sing karaoke whenever he felt the urge to. Sometimes he missed New York, though. The yummy food, the affectionate rudeness of the vendors, and the way the smog looked in the sunlight were a few of the top things on his list of Most Missed Things.

He sighed. If he couldn't go back then he at least wanted someone new to come here, someone who was like him, someone who had been changed into a unicorn against their will and understood what it was like to be a human. Someone who he could talk to about what he missed and what he was glad was gone. He'd give anything for that to happen.

He sighed again and clambered to his hooves. With a quick shake of his mane he briskly trotted into the forest for a bite to eat. After a few minutes of careful searching, he came across a berry bush.

_Yum,_ he thought, _this will make a good breakfast. _With a quick bite and gulp he swallowed fifteen berries and was unaware of the one rotten berry he had eaten. _That was yummy,_ was his only delighted thought. He reached out his muzzle to eat some more.

At that moment a round, blue, ghost-like figure appeared before him. Charlie neighed and reared back with shock. "Ahhh," he screeched loudly, almost as frightened as if those two unicorns came back with their 'Charlie. Chhhhhaaarrrrllllliiiiiieeee' s.

"Woah, there, pony-boy," said the giant, floating blueberry, "I just wanted to say thank you….and to give you a warning."

"Thank your for what?" asked Charlie suspiciously, apparently unaware of the 'warning' bit.

"You freed me. When I was young I offended a witch and she trapped me inside a rotten blueberry that would last forever. The only way to get out was for someone to eat the blueberry, but who wants to eat a stinking, old blueberry anyway? I mean do you know what some people do to blueberries. Oh, I could go ALL day about what some of your pink pals have done to that tree over there and to some of my closest friends."

There was a long silence following this little speech then Charlie asked, "But…..what ARE you? I've never seen an enchanted blueberry in Unicorn Land before."

"Oh no, I'm not a blueberry at all, though I may look like one. I am a genie," stated the blueberry proudly straightening itself up importantly.

"Uh….riiiiigggghhhhttttt…I'm gonna go now….," said Charlie backing away slowly.

"No! I really am! I'm gonna grant you a wish for freeing me from my squishy, blue prison!...and there's that warning of course…."

"Really?" asked Charlie narrowing his eyes, and once again missing the warning part, due to the blueberry's almost constant mumbling.

"As sure as I'm sta…..floating here," stated the blueberry confidently.

"Ok then…"

"Well do you have a wish? I really do have to leave soon. My granny needs to be washed and I've been in that blueberry for three years! Imagine how bad she smells. She's also soooo hard to get to sit still, it's unbelievable. I've had this…," rambled the blueberry.

"Can it be anything in the world?" inquire Charlie quickly, interrupting the blueberry.

"Absolutely anything," replied the blueberry forgetting about his smelly grandmother.

"Hmm….ok then…," Charlie began to think. What did he want: money, food, popularity? But then, the blueberry broke his train of thought.

"There's just one tiny thing I should mention," he murmured nervously.

"What would that be?" inquired Charlie apprehensively.

"Well, being a white unicorn and all, or should I say murky gray unicorn or maybe…," stumbled Mr. Blueberry.

"Get on with it!" Charlie snapped not caring to discuss his color with this very talkative and fat apparition.

"Ok, don't kill me. Unicorns of your color have issues with blueberries. You're gonna get REALLY bad gas. See, if you were a red unicorn then you'd just get really active and kinda active, but anyway...," the blueberry trailed off.

"Uh….noooooooooooooooooooo," Charlie had a quiet little cry before he remembered about his wish. After, a few minutes of thought (during which his stomach began to do some very scary bloating exercises) the perfect wish came to him.

"Got anything yet, Mr. Flatulence?" asked the blueberry impatiently.

"Ya," replied Charlie choosing to let the Mr. Flatulence thing slide, "I wish for someone, anyone, in the world to become a unicorn and be sent to Unicorn Land where they will be friends with me!"

The blueberry paused. "You are one strange dude you know that? But, whatever I'll go select someone right after I clean my grandmother." And with that he disappeared in a burst of blue smoke to find someone to keep Charlie the unicorn company.

A/N: Ok, that's the end of the prologue. Poor Alucard. Hahahahaha. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it! Muah to my wonderful readers!


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

Alucard laughed manically as another ghoul dropped down dead at his feet. He grinned evilly and stepped over the corpse. This was too easy. He surveyed the room. There. A slight movement. Carefully he slunk to the wavering shadow and found a fair-haired vampire turned away from him. He chuckled quietly.

"Nice night," he commented casually.

The vampire gasped and spun around. He stared at Alucard's tall stature and seemed to shrink slightly when he noticed the .454 Casull and 13mm Jackal in his long, pale hands.

"Ya…ya," the young vampire stuttered.

Alucard frowned. They got younger every year. It didn't trouble him terribly as long as he got to kill something but really who changes a fifteen year old!

"They don't make them like they used to," he murmured and shot the opposing vampire through the head.

The raven-haired monster smirked at another job well done. He turned away quickly and began to trudge across the room. As he approached the door he noticed a slight shimmering in front of it. Alucard paused and narrowed his blood-red eyes. Deftly, he reached into his coat and pulled out one of his guns. The door kept shimmering and Alucard crept forward crept forward silently.

_Strange,_ thought the vampire, _Wonder what that's about. _He glanced around the room and took a nearby ghouls pitchfork. _Why did he convert farmers?_ He wondered his thought straying back to the vampire he killed moments before. Remembering the doorway he turned his attention to the problem at hand and plunged the pitchfork into the shining air.

"Ow!" exclaimed a voice, causing Alucard to drop the pitchfork with a clatter and cock his pistols with surprising speed.

"What are you?" he snarled.

"Calm down. Calm down," soothed the voice. Slowly a giant blueberry appeared before the befuddled vampire.

"What the hell? What do you want? What are you?" he yelled very confused and very annoyed. He had half a mind to put a few rounds into this apparition then return to the Hellsing Organization for a nice cup of blood.

"Really you need to calm down," said the blueberry eyeing the guns nervously. "I am a genie and I'm here because I'm granting someone's wish."

Alucard's eyes narrowed. "….A genie….," he remarked slowly, "Yaa…ok…I have better things to do with my time." And with that he shot the genie and watched with pleasure as it fell down dead.

The End

Just kidding! The blueberry showed surprising speed and dodged the bullet. Alucard lowered the Jackal slightly, impressed against his will.

"What was the wish?" he questioned uncertainly.

The blueberry sensed that its life was being spared and he popped his eyes back in and cleaned his pants before answering.

"Well, I was in Unicorn Land minding my own business when I see a frog. I accidentally stepped on the frog and it got very offended. Turns out it was actually a witch in disguise. Anyway, she turns me into an enchanted, rotten blueberry. I sat on that bush for twenty years before….," began the blueberry.

"Get on with it!" roared Alucard, interrupting the blueberry's reminiscing.

The blueberry paled to a nice baby blue color and eyed the guns that were still in the pissed off vampire's hands.

"Right, sorry," stuttered the blueberry coughing lightly, "Anyway, I met this…er….delightful unicorn named Charlie, poor guy he's gonna have some bad gas…"

Alucard growled threateningly, deep in his throat.

"Uh…sorry, sorry. So he freed me and I said I'd grant him a wish. He asked for a friend.

"Me?" asked Alucard stunned and disbelieving and pointing to him self.

"Well, anyone really, you just happened to be nearby."

"Oh….what if I don't want to go?" questioned Alucard, his face hardening slightly.

The blueberry managed to look quite threatening. "Too bad. You don't get a choice."

And with that he hit Alucard with a beam of bright blue light which immediately engulfed the wide-eyed vampire. Alucard screamed a very manly scream and then collapsed and began shaking uncontrollably. It felt as though thousand of pins were puncturing him all over and there was a burst of pain on his forehead as a spiraling horn came out. He felt a tail growing and his hands and feet turning into hooves. He writhed with the unexpected and quite sudden pain. Then it stopped. The room was silent except for Alucard's shaky breathing. Cautiously he looked up into the face of his new enemy and then narrowed his eyes with hate. The blueberry couldn't help but back away a few paces for the burning hatred was so strong.

"I hate you," whispered Alucard hoarsely.

"Oh, boo hoo," leered the blueberry passed pale blue teeth, "I really care. Enjoy Unicorn Land, pony-boy," he smirked and Alucard disappeared.

A/N: That was more like a second prologue then chapter one but shhh! I won't tell if you won't. Reviews are welcome and I need some ideas for what….er…."adventures" to put Charlie and Alucard through. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it!


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